My parents ordered this very special Dora chair/desk for Capri for Christmas. It arrived in a large heavy (its solid wood) box, and we temporarily moved it in the living room, conveniently right in front of the tree, until my parents get here next week to put it together and wrap it. I think this is the greatest “toy” she has ever received because she loves to sit on it, stand on it, and I think it makes her feel so special.
We call it her “soap box” because she stands on it and will talk, and talk and talk. Sometimes its words we understand, sometimes is seems that she is just listing all the words she knows, and sometimes its just pure babble. She gets very enthusiastic and throws her arms all around, just like a preacher, or a public speaker. Sometimes she will break out laughing, sometimes she will get very serious and passionate. Wade and I just love to sit on the couch, smile at each other, and listen to her. When she stops I say, “Can you keep talking? Mommy loves it when you talk!” and she jumps back on the box and goes “YEAH!” and continues on.
This box has also come in handy in another way, as I moved it onto the bed to have a comfy place to sit (the bed) but also a large hard surface to wrap presents. It was working out perfectly until Capri woke up from her nap and realized the box was gone, and kept yelling “Box, box, box boooooox!” at her Dad until he put it back. I’m not really sure what we will do when my parents get here this week, and break the box open to put her Dora chair together. I mean, I’m sure she will love her gift, but we might need to find something else to replace her soap box as well.
Capri showing off her belly, just like Mama
I woke up this morning and I laid there thinking, and picturing the day that I would go into labor, a day that is coming up sooner than I expected. I’ve pictured this day for a long time, a home birth, and a beautiful birth day. A birth the way I wanted the first time around with Capri. I laid there wondering if I was strong enough. If I could really “go there” to that other plane that women talk about going, where they just allow the pain to flow through their body, and they accept it, and they surrender to it, and they become almost distant from their own bodies, watching their bodies as they do the thing they were created to do.
With Capri, when I labored at home, I think I went “there”. I was in a rhythm with my contractions, I was at peace with the pain, and my focus was amazing. When things started to go differently then expected, when I had to be transferred to the hospital, that is when I lost control, that is when I lost my focus- the spot I carved out in my own mind to go to. I lost it.
This time, I don’t anticipate being transferred, and soon after Capri’s birth I had wished that I had toughed it out. After giving birth, you get like this superwoman feeling, like you can accomplish anything, and really, we can, right? It’s such a beautiful, empowering experience. This time, I have fears but I believe in myself so much more. My midwife told me that I am “part of the club” now, after having the first one, and my body knows what to do. She thinks I will have the dreaded back labor (although, I don’t really know any different, so bring it!) but that I will progress much faster this time. I’m a little more educated on some homeopathic remedies that I can take, which I believe will help me, and I’m ready. I look forward to saying, my beautiful little boy- Jaxon, was born at home!
I’m better equipped this time though- if things don’t go as planned. I have learned to still hold onto my focus, and trust the Lord, because I am in His hands. To stay surrendered.
After thinking and praying about it this morning, I am excited for the challenge, for the opportunity to overcome something so big. Ask me again in month though- or at least remind me of this post, k?
