Capribythelake’s Weblog

Capri showing off her belly, just like Mama

I woke up this morning and I laid there thinking, and picturing the day that I would go into labor, a day that is coming up sooner than I expected.  I’ve pictured this day for a long time, a home birth, and a beautiful birth day.  A birth the way I wanted the first time around with Capri.  I laid there wondering if I was strong enough.  If I could really “go there” to that other plane that women talk about going, where they just allow the pain to flow through their body, and they accept it, and they surrender to it, and they become almost distant from their own bodies, watching their bodies as they do the thing they were created to do.

With Capri, when I labored at home, I think I went “there”.  I was in a rhythm with my contractions, I was at peace with the pain, and my focus was amazing.  When things started to go differently then expected, when I had to be transferred to the hospital, that is when I lost control, that is when I lost my focus- the spot I carved out in my own mind to go to.  I lost it.

This time, I don’t anticipate being transferred, and soon after Capri’s birth I had wished that I had toughed it out.  After giving birth, you get like this superwoman feeling, like you can accomplish anything, and really, we can, right?  It’s such a beautiful, empowering experience.  This time, I have fears but I believe in myself so much more.  My midwife told me that I am “part of the club” now, after having the first one, and my body knows what to do.  She thinks I will have the dreaded back labor (although, I don’t really know any different, so bring it!) but that I will progress much faster this time.  I’m a little more educated on some homeopathic remedies that I can take, which I believe will help me, and I’m ready.  I look forward to saying, my beautiful little boy- Jaxon, was born at home!

I’m better equipped this time though- if things don’t go as planned.  I have learned to still hold onto my focus, and trust the Lord, because I am in His hands. To stay surrendered.

After thinking and praying about it this morning, I am excited for the challenge, for the opportunity to overcome something so big.  Ask me again in month though- or at least remind me of this post, k?